It’s confession time everybody! My kids ate candy for breakfast for two days post Halloween and NO, I don’t feel guilty about it! I also can’t remember the last time I mopped my floors (and let’s not even talk about the baseboards) which I don’t feel guilty about either. Why? Well this summer I turned the big 4-0 and I also became a newly divorced, single mom of two young children, all while managing a full-time career. I also learned something very important - the value of LOVING myself, as well as my hectic and imperfect life. But don’t let me fool you, learning this was a long and tough journey, sprinkled with lots of tears (and Hallmark Channel movies).
So how do you learn to love yourself? An article entitled “7 ways to Accept Yourself for Who You Are” written for the internet website, Medium.com, offers some positive tips on how to achieve this.
- Focus on your positive qualities: Even though self-improvement is a good thing, it’s important that you identify and focus on your positive qualities, rather than concentrating on the qualities you feel negatively about.
- Consciously Prevent Negative Thinking Patterns: It’s okay to be in a bad mood every once in a while and have some negative thoughts; it happens to everyone. The trick is in learning how to push those negative thoughts aside and replace them with something positive. Replace your negative thoughts about yourself with affirmations, which are positive statements that affirm your positive qualities and help bring out the best in you.
- Accept your imperfections: Another part of being human is having some imperfections. Instead of dwelling on the things you can’t change, accept them for what they are. Making the best of your life starts with accepting your imperfections.
- Use Positive Self-Talk: Compliment yourself for the good things about your looks, your positive qualities, and every time you do something right. Do this each and every day until it becomes a habit
- Disregard what other people might think about your decisions: You’ll never make everyone else happy. If you try, you’ll soon discover that, not only will others still be unhappy, but you’ll also be exhausted and unhappy yourself (trust me on this one!)
- Avoid Worrying: This can be a hard one but worrying will never help your situation. Rather than using your time by being engulfed in fear, take action to do what you can to make the situation better.
- Try your best and accept that you’ve done what you could: Do your best every day and be proud of yourself for your efforts.
Learning to love yourself isn’t an “achieve it and you’re done” deal, but rather, an ever evolving process with lots of twists and turns. While some of these tips may feel overwhelming, it’s best to start working on one and work your way through the rest. “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” ? Confucius
Reach out to Methodist Healthcare EAP to talk with a counselor about how you can learn to love yourself. Sessions are free and confidential – give us a call at 901-683-5658.
Allison White received her bachelor’s degree in social work from Mississippi State University and her master’s degree in social work from Jackson State University. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over fifteen years of experience working with children and adults in a variety of settings including community mental health, school-based counseling, adult and juvenile justice, and therapeutic foster care.