I turned 67 in October, and although it’s easy to say age is just a number, when you get into your mid-60's, the number takes on a greater weight! I find myself thinking about my parents when they were this age.....my self-employed father was still working full time and my mother was active, working in her flower beds and following her daily routines. They didn’t talk openly about aging and I didn’t think of them as “old.” They were both in their 40's when I was born which made them seem older compared to my friend’s parents. But, their lives didn’t change significantly until they were well into their 80's. Of course, when they were in their 60's, I was just in my 20's and I didn’t think much about aging at that time!
I still tend to not think about age....I sometimes get my age wrong and have to remember my date of birth and do the arithmetic... . but it is getting harder to ignore. While generally in good health, I have my share of reminders similar to that of an aging house; some of my parts will, in time, need repair. Sad to say, I find myself occasionally comparing my ailment list with my sister or a friend...which makes me cringe and is a competition no one wants to win!
I do believe it makes sense to do some version of a systematic inventory as we age. What have I gained and what have I lost? How am I different at this stage of life as a worker, as a husband, as a friend and as a family member.
As a counselor, I have been doing some variation of this type of work since age 30. While at times, I wonder what I have to offer the complex people I see, I recognize that age has brought both humility and perspective to my work, beyond anything education or training could provide. I’m a little “beaten up” by life at this stage and maybe, as a counselor, that’s a good thing!
I’ve been a slow learner as a husband and have had to have “remedial” education. My 67 year old version of a husband is a little better at “biting my tongue,” not always insisting on having the last word and letting my wife just be who she is (doesn’t sound hard, but if you are married, you know it is!). I appreciate the “aging” of my marriage (now 16 years) and the shared history we have together.
Of course, our social relationships and friendships are not protected from the passing of time. Their lives evolve, as well, bringing change to all connected. My best friend will be moving soon to another city, also age related, as he and his wife want to be closer to their grandchildren. This will be a challenge, as I have grown to value the depth of our close friendship over time. We know and tolerate each other’s quirks, have accumulated a variety of shared experiences/stories and a trust that only time can achieve. I’ve come to recognize that true friendships are rare and will have to adjust to our new circumstances.
Finally, as I return from a recent visit with my sister and extended family in East Tennessee, I recognize the impact of passing time on these relationships. We never were a large family and with the exception of a few births, the circle has become smaller. We remember the ones no longer there and the shared memories we have together grow in value as the years go by.
We age, struggle through our losses, and over time, in a surprising way, realize we have become the “elders” within our family, our work and in our communities. Through much of our history and in most societies, elders were held in honor. We, and in this I include myself, must recognize it is a great privilege to become older, to grow in wisdom and have the capacity to share it with others.
We at Methodist Healthcare EAP honor your aging (and wisdom) and remind you that we are a simple phone call away if you need a place of support and help in the challenges of your day-to-day life. Give us a call at 901-683-5658.
Wayne Hyatt received a master’s degree in counseling from Memphis State University and is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Employee Assistance Professional (CEAP) and a Certified Substance Abuse Professional. He has experience in both clinical and administrative positions in behavioral health.