Men

In our society, it is often frowned upon for men to be in touch with their emotions. It is not uncommon for men to hear someone say, “quit crying like a little girl,” or “men don’t cry.” Such views of masculinity can cause problems in relationships, an inability to identify feelings, and result in low self-esteem. 

The truth is feelings are inherently neither good nor bad. Men must be afforded the opportunity to process feelings without judgment. 

These opportunities must begin in the early stages of childhood. We can see the effects of denying men the chance to identify and process their emotions in the following statistics:

• In 2017, the suicide rate for men was 3.5 times higher than it was for women
• The suicide rate is highest among middle-aged white men, who accounted for almost 70% of all suicides in 2017
• Research also suggests that while women attempt suicide more often, men choose more lethal means of suicide
• The World Health Organization reports that suicide represents half of all male violent deaths worldwide
• Men over the age of 65 are at the greatest risk of suicide
• In children ages 2 to 8, boy were more likely than girls to have a mental, behavioral or developmental disorder, according to the CDC.

Pediatrician and author, Meg Meeker, offers the following suggestions regarding boys and feelings:

• Put a name on them
• Green light the feeling
• Call him to action
• Put him in charge

Put a Name on Them

Feelings are expressed from one of five 5 emotions. These include anger, joy, sadness, fear, and disgust. Boys may struggle to label their feelings because it is taboo to talk about them.  As a parent, you can encourage your son to go deeper by asking him to tell you how he feels. Challenge him to go beyond the traditional, “I feel fine” or “I am mad.” A good way to accomplish this is to provide your son with a feelings chart.

Green Light the Feeling

Remember green means go. Giving the green light to express strong emotions sends the message that it is ok to admit, own, and discuss feelings that may cause discomfort. 

Call Them to Action

Caregivers play a significant part in bringing about comfort; however, calling him to action allows him to learn how to regulate his emotions. 

Put Him in Charge

Accountability teaches him responsibility for how he feels, and it helps him to understand others are not responsible for his emotions. 

Mental Health for Adolescent Boys

Boys develop a different perspective about emotions as they reach adolescence. The adolescent years can be challenging as boys go through a multitude of changes. Erik Erikson calls this stage “identity vs role confusion,” which occurs between the ages of 12-18. Establishing a secure identity may be more of a challenge for some opposed to others. Strong support and validation is vital in establishing a secure identity. Role confusion and undesired emotions can be attributed to one or more of the following factors:

• Change of school
• Loss of a parent, loved one, or friend
• Change of peer affiliation
• Change of residency
• Change in financial status
• Change in physical appearance
• Divorce of parents
• Emotional and cognitive changes
• Feeling isolated or alienated as a result of bullying
• Lack of security with gender or sexuality
• Trauma
• Experimenting with drugs or alcohol

Boys and men continue to be at risk when issues of mental health go unaddressed. Unresolved issues in adolescence become unresolved issues in adulthood. The CDC reports suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people ages 15 to 24. Boys are 4 times more likely to die from suicide than girls.

Men are met with more compounded stressors as more is required of them than at earlier stages of life. From a systemic standpoint, family, friends, and the community are adversely impacted as well. Normalizing the conversation about mental health can help our male population talk about issues of anger, depression, anxiety, and suicide.

Here are some ways to break the stigma and promote mental health among our male population:

• Change the conversation about what it means to be strong. 
• Make positive associations in reference to counseling and the mental health profession.
• Choose appropriate terms when describing mental health conditions.
• Avoid shaming individuals when talking about or showing emotions.
• Emphasize the role of medication in improving mood.
• Share experiences with others that makes it ok to get help.
• Listen to understand.

Resources

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration Helpline
• NAMI: Addressing Male Suicide
• Psychology Today: Men's Mental Health - A Silent Crisis
• Very Well Mind: Understanding Suicide Among Men
• Stanford Children's Health: Teen Suicide