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Marriage: For Better AND Worse
last updated:
Fri, 4/30/2010 9:03 AM

You may have heard the old joke: Marriage is a three ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

Based on my latest internet search, let me share some numbers on marriage and divorce:

  • The probability that a man will be married by age 40 is 80%; for a woman, it is 86%.
  • The chance that a first marriage will end in divorce is 45-50%.
  • Of those first marriages ending in divorce, the probability of re-marriage is 75%.
  • Of those who re-marry the probability of another divorce is even higher (67-74%)!

My conclusion: We are apparently "wired" for marriage but our "wiring" is faulty!

As an employee assistance program counselor, this reality is evident in my day-to-day practice. Individuals and couple’s present in various stages of enchantment and disenchantment- the unmarried recovering from the latest disappointment, the married seeking first aid--but all mystified by the absence of that love story that we carry in our heads! Competent in our challenging jobs and capable of multi-tasking with our latest electronic devices, we frequently feel like we’re suffering from a learning disorder when it comes to our love lives.

Counseling is a way to clarify thoughts and feelings regarding the complicated marital relationship. A licensed EAP counselor, as a neutral party, can help you better understand the patterns and dynamics in your marriage, so that once again your marriage can be "for better."

Please give Methodist Employee Assistance Program a call for easily accessible, no cost, confidential assistance.

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Wayne Hyatt has worked for Methodist LeBonheur since 1997 and as a behavioral health clinician, manager and consultant in the Memphis area for over 25 years. All opinions expressed here are those of their authors and not of their employer. Information provided here is for medical education only. It is not intended as and does not substitute for medical advice. For more information about how the Methodist Employee Assistance Program can help you, call us at 901.683.5658 or 800.880.5658.

Live Your Best Life: Engaged & Energized
last updated:
Thu, 4/22/2010 9:54 AM

Do you feel like a cast member in “Lost” most of the time? Before you sign up for an audition for “The Biggest Loser”, you might consider getting help, support and insight from a cognitive behavioral therapist.

We’ve heard that “we are what we eat” but do you realize that more importantly, you are what you think? Have you ever stopped to consider what you think about most of the time? Do you dream of more money, success, love, happiness? Maybe you find yourself trapped by thoughts of anger, grief, revenge. Are these thoughts making you happy, energized, or peaceful?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the related field of Positive Psychology can help you think more clearly as you examine and question your automatic negative thoughts, called “ANTS” by psychiatrist Daniel Amen. When you learn techniques to tame your wild mind, you will no longer see each moment as a problem and each person as a threat.

With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques (offered by your Employee Assistance Program counselors), you can learn to become more engaged and energized by your life and its circumstances rather than simply watching your life as a passive on-looker. The glass that was half empty can be seen as filled with your special strengths and abilities. You can learn to incorporate what is unique and wonderful about you in your work, play and relationships. You will be able to grieve your losses and graduate to gratitude.

Having the support of a CBT counselor can help you find your own balance between work and play, love and boundaries, acceptance and growth. As the French author Colette said, “I’ve been having a wonderful life; I wished I’d noticed it sooner.” Why wait to discover ways you can release negativity and learn to live your best life!

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Susan Erdman has been an EAP Counselor at Methodist Le Bonheur Healthcare since 1990. All opinions expressed here are those of their authors and not of their employer. Information provided here is for medical education only. It is not intended as and does not substitute for medical advice. For more information about an Employee Assistance Program call 901.683.5658 or 800.880.5658.

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Methodist Healthcare is an integrated health care delivery system, dedicated to the art of healing through our faith-based commitment to minister to the whole person. 1211 Union Avenue, Memphis, Tennessee 38104 • (901) 516-7000

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